Sunday 6/20/10

I believe we all have much more power than we realize...and we are the ones in the way! I believe I am an evolving being, ever growing and changing, as long as I keep my mind open! I am strong in my religion, and believe in Heavenly Father and in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and his perfect example, which if followed will help us return to our home with Heavenly Father. I believe that I am not hiding in my religion as a protection, but have tried and tested it, getting answers to my prayers, and feeling spiritual inspiration and peace. These affirm the truth to me. I have worked it and seen results. Now this is what I must do physically! For some strange long-standing reason, I have given up on myself too easily. I am sure it is a multilayer-ed issue! I have a black lab pup, about 10 months old, and when we take her to the dog park, she rolls on her back in the submissive mode.....it annoys the heck out of me! Part of the reason it annoys me, is it reminds me of how I have acted for years! Please like me....don't be angry....smile all the time....make them laugh..... don't kill me! That is the me I am trying not to be anymore. It is a hard habit to break! I have one dialogue going on in my head and another mask on my face! Well, those that know me know I can't hide my real feelings...they say it is written all over my face...WELL THEN WHY NOT BE TRUTHFUL? Hmmmmm?
The realization came to me recently that my weight problem is based not only on the fact that I have used food as an emotional escape, but that being overweight has provided a level of safety for me. Years ago, as a 5"1, curvaceous young lady, I had a lot of unwanted attention, and was a very frightened, brightly blushing girl. Once I met a huge protector, who I married, I still had the attention when he wasn't around, but once I gained weight....the scary noises stopped! The whistles, leering smiles, fresh comments...all went away, except for times when I would start losing weight again.... Much better (safer) to eat and keep the weight! But that is not my belief NOW! I am a mature woman and know I can not let fears run my life. I know I can get fit and take defensive courses, or martial arts classes which will help me to be more confident. There are no more excuses. It just takes application and the proof will show up...maybe not as fast as I'd like (kind of like the answers to some prayers!) but if I focus, work and stay on track I know I will achieve my goal.
Even if I have given up on myself at times, I never give up hope! Thanks Dax for your inspiration!
Good night to all here and at: http://www.londonpersonaltrainingstudio.com